Getting through holidays and special occasions with people who have experienced loss can be complicated. However, your presence and compassion in moments like these can support their healing.
This article was originally published by The Conversation.
The holiday season is often thought of as a time of joy and togetherness, but it can also be one of the most difficult times for those grieving a loss.
Almost 95 percent of people who have experienced a loss report dealing with at least one symptom of physical or emotional distress. About 10 percent of them develop long-term grief disorder, a persistent and debilitating form of sadness that doesn’t alleviate over time.
Often this grief is caused by the death of a loved one, but it can also be caused by the loss of a friendship, divorce, or even a job loss.
Grief affects not only mental health but also physical health, and can increase the risk of heart disease, immune dysfunction, and even death.
Holidays and special events often include family gatherings, traditions, and reminders of what is missing, which can amplify this pain and leave grieving people feeling isolated and overwhelmed. I fall into a feeling.
As a clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry and neurobehavioral sciences who work with cancer patients and their families, I see firsthand what grief can do to people. I myself experienced grief when my mother suddenly passed away at the age of 66, and when my father passed away at the age of 84 after a long battle with illness.
Those experiences, combined with my research, have led me to dedicate much of my career to understanding grief and its effects and finding effective ways to support people struggling with grief.
Mourning vs. Prolonged Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss and includes emotional, cognitive, physical, and social responses. Common signs include sadness, social withdrawal, difficulty concentrating, trouble sleeping, and physical symptoms such as fatigue and pain.
Grief is very personal, and while there is no “right” way to grieve, most people go through the process over time and find a new point of equilibrium in their lives.
However, some people experience long-term grief disorders. The condition was newly recognized in 2022 in the gold standard manual of psychiatry, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition.
This condition is characterized by intense longing, sadness, or attachment to the deceased that persists for more than 12 months, and can seriously interfere with daily life. People experiencing this disorder often feel disconnected from life and unable to find joy or meaning.
Unlike non-pathological grief, long-term grief disorders are associated with chronic activation of the brain’s stress response system, particularly in areas like the amygdala. The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped collection of neurons in the brain that plays an important role in processing emotions, especially fear, stress, and threat-related responses. Long-term grief disorders are also associated with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
When supporting a friend or family member who is grieving, it is important to be aware of the signs of long-term grief disorder, as it requires targeted intervention. Research, including my ongoing research into the use of psilocybin-assisted therapy in the treatment of grief, emphasizes the importance of innovative approaches to helping people stuck in protracted cycles of grief.
If you think a loved one is suffering from prolonged grief, encouraging them to seek help and offering support in the process can be life-changing. Resources are available, from grief counseling to support groups. Organizations like the American Grief Foundation and local mental health services can provide further guidance to help your loved one get the treatment they need.
Be mindful of your own sadness on holidays and special occasions
Research supports several strategies for coping with grief, whether typical or long-term.
Express your emotions: Repressing your sadness can worsen your mental and physical health problems. Talking with a trusted friend, writing in a journal, or joining a support group can be therapeutic. Participate in rituals: Personal or cultural rituals, such as lighting a candle, visiting a cemetery, or creating a memory book, can help you integrate the loss into your life. Create new traditions as a way to mourn a death: If you’re mourning a death, mark the occasion by preparing your loved one’s favorite dish, playing their favorite music, or hanging memorial decorations. Consider incorporating memories of your loved one into your. Seek professional support: Cognitive behavioral therapy or complicated grief therapy can be effective treatments for long-term grief disorders. Psychedelic-assisted therapy is also emerging as a promising option in clinical research.
support those who are grieving
Holidays and special days like birthdays and Mother’s Day can be especially difficult for people who are grieving. Here are some practical tips to support grieving people during these times.
Remember that grief is not a problem to be solved, but a process that should be supported. Please exist. All too often, we say the wrong thing to someone who is grieving. Often it’s not about saying the “perfect” thing, it’s about just showing up and listening without judgment. Acknowledge the loss. “I’ve been thinking about (their loved one) and how much they mean to you” or “I’ve been thinking about you and what you’re going through right now.” It may be more reassuring to say, “I’d like to make you aware of the importance of “ than to avoid the topic. Provides practical assistance. Grief can be debilitating and exhausting. Helping with tasks like cooking, shopping, and childcare can help ease some of the burden. If you don’t know what to say, it’s okay to admit it. The simple words, “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you,” go a long way. Avoid phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Although the intentions behind them are often good, these commonplace words can come across as negative. Focus on empathy and validation. Saying, “I know this is very difficult for you,” or “Tell me more about how you’re feeling,” opens the door to a meaningful conversation and creates space for the complex emotions that grief brings. Masu. Respect the boundaries of your grieving loved one. Honor your feelings by going at your own pace.
Getting through holidays and special occasions with people who have experienced loss can be complicated. However, your presence and compassion in moments like these can support their healing.