Are you overwhelmed with Christmas songs? Familiar holiday melodies playing one after another?
I.
Messages of peace, love, and goodwill for all are filling your kitchen, shopping mall, and car radio. A song about the joy of running through the snow. Ask for a special gift, such as two front teeth. Comfort your loved ones who are not at home. Many herald the newborn king. Some celebrate the decoration of the hall. They are all promises and affirmations about people doing right by others, about the joy of giving and being part of a community. Even Frosty the Snowman praised the sacrifice of playing until it melted away.
Then I heard “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
Sorry to put this song in your head, but do you remember the story of Rudolph?
Read or sing:
rudolph the red nosed reindeer
He had a very bright nose.
And if you’ve seen it,
You could say it’s shining.
This song tells a completely different story.
In the first poem, Rudolph is distinguished and set apart from all the other reindeer. He seems different. He has a shiny red nose.
I don’t think that’s bad.
But in the next verse, we see that the other reindeer laughed at Rudolph, called him names, and essentially avoided him because he was so markedly different. He was teased and bullied because he did not fit the traditionally accepted reindeer appearance. He was not invited to all reindeer competitions.
How do you think Rudolph felt? Remember Theory of Mind? Are we interested in what other people think and feel about us, especially us? Rudolph had no place in the eyes of the non-red-nosed reindeer . He wasn’t part of that group. He was isolated, unloved, alienated, and of little or no value to his peers.
When we use theory of mind to describe the emotions of a hypothetical reindeer, a surprising example of alienation and bullying emerges.
This is the dark side of theory of mind. Sometimes we make someone feel less valuable. Consider this four-panel Charlie Brown cartoon. In the first three panels, Charlie Brown stands up and says, “Trust me,” as Patty, Snoopy, and Violet each walk past Charlie Brown without noticing him. In the fourth panel, Charlie Brown sits on the sidewalk and says: “I can’t get people to believe in me.”
Through the eyes of others, Charlie Brown begins to see himself as a loser. And theory of mind is the brain tool used to convey that message.
We control no one, we influence everyone. We can choose what kind of influence we want to have.
Back to Rudolph. But the good news is that Santa realized that Rudolph’s difference was an asset, as you’ve no doubt noticed. It’s not a disability, it’s a special ability. In Santa’s eyes, Rudolph was worth more than that. He was irreplaceable. Without that shiny red nose, your Christmas presents would never arrive. Rudolph saves the day with his light-up nose and Santa’s approval, but only then do all the reindeer fall in love with him.
Why does Rudolph’s story, and so many others like it, resonate so deeply in the hearts of each of us? Because the feeling of being disrespected by others, of being different, is something that we Because everyone can relate. We also empathize with the lone deer, the weak (in this case, the “loser deer”) and root for them to “get back on their feet.” We also want stories to have happy endings, and we all know that alienation, prejudice, and bigotry are inherently not good for anyone. We are truly social animals and feel safe in groups, and the larger the group, the better.
We are one group of humans.
Now, in this season of giving, one of the great gifts we can so easily give is to remind Charlie Brown that he is precious, and to give Rudolph, the bright-nosed man, a gift for tonight’s sleigh ride. It is to be guided. Together we can bring this present to us.