In case you haven’t noticed yet, there is currently a huge discussion going on in mainstream American culture about perimenopause and menopause. The symptoms associated with the menopausal transition are finally being given a more accurate name. In addition to the well-known hot flashes, it is now understood that symptoms such as hair loss, tinnitus, itchy skin, joint pain, and sleep disturbances are directly related to hormonal changes in women, and over the past 20 years There have been medical warnings against female hormones for more than a year. There has been a significant reversal in the use of hormone replacement therapy. Women are flocking to doctors’ offices seeking treatment for their symptoms, and while most doctors (including many gynecologists) have no training in menopausal medicine, it’s important to get better education. I’m in a hurry.
Perimenopausal women feel less lonely, embarrassed, confused, and crazy. They share their experiences with each other on online forums and refuse to be gas cut by doctors. They are taking their suffering seriously, and medical institutions are beginning to respond. Despite the current backlash against women’s bodily autonomy in the United States, this focus on naming and treating the physical symptoms of menopause/menopause gives me great hope. He will give it to you.
Invitation to spiritual transformation
However, focusing solely on the physical symptoms of the menopausal transition is a missed opportunity. Physical changes are only part of the story.
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As a clinical psychologist who specializes in midlife women, I view the menopausal transition as not just a biological change, but also a time when psychological and psychological changes can occur. I am. Like adolescence, the midlife transition is a developmental process that requires compassion, consideration, and grit to successfully navigate. These are times when women’s souls are tested, when we are literally thrown into the fires of change – think hot flashes. An alchemical process is underway, a process designed to change a woman, a process that has the potential to set her right into the second half of life.
Midlife calls for the courage to let go of what no longer fits and step into a more authentic, more realistic version of yourself. The goal is not to become a better version of yourself, but to become a more complete version of yourself.
But for so many women, this process burns out prematurely on a psychological level, or never ignites in the first place. A woman may feel the heat of a hot flash for years, but never fully enters the furnace of psychological transformation and cannot stay there long enough to be properly cooked into a new form. .
Her body changes, but her mind does not.
A process of psychological death and rebirth is necessary, and change can be scary and uncomfortable. In order to cross the threshold into the second half of life, psychologically speaking, we need to take an honest look at ourselves and get past the layers of unpleasant emotions (often including repressed sadness and anger). , must make the necessary sacrifices of action. , forms of identity, and social roles that no longer fit, including forms of female performance that they had been trained to perform in the first half of their lives but are no longer life-giving (if at all).
The ego’s desire to be socially accepted, to be wanted, to establish an identity and a clear social role, which were prioritized earlier in life, are now in their rightful place and deeper parts of themselves are You may start making decisions. Subtle changes in internal gravity are required.
Too many women cannot respond to that call. Too many people hold on to their own outdated behaviors and ways of thinking that no longer fit. Too many people succumb to resignation and frustration. Some people undergo hormone replacement therapy with the fantasy of turning back the clock and regaining their lost youth. This mindset can impede your ability to psychologically transition later in life and lead to an impasse.
In fact, it’s very easy to get stuck if your culture doesn’t support the midlife transformation process, has little language for it, and lacks role models for navigating the second half of life. Change doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
A step towards a new story
In order to properly cross the threshold into a new psychological realm in midlife, one must first and foremost believe in the potential of that new realm. In order to believe, we must work to dispel the harmful narratives passed down by dominant culture about what it means to be a midlife woman and dare to explore new kinds of narratives about midlife and beyond. I need to step in. Our patriarchal, youth-obsessed, youth culture doesn’t understand.
We work hard to step outside the dominant storyline that a woman’s value and joy lies in pleasing others, caring for others, being young, fertile, and a certain kind of beauty. You have to make an effort. We need to be willing to look beyond midlife narratives that focus solely on decline and decline (without denying the very real changes that occur as we age), and to Like a fool, you must jump off a cliff into the unknown. To start a new adventure. We have to believe that something meaningful, and perhaps even delicious, might be waiting for us to meet us there.
Essentials for menopause
Source: Susan Frazier/Pixabay
wake up
The menopausal transition is an opportunity to wake up. We become more fully awake to the cries and cries from deeper parts of ourselves than we usually hear. Some people call this part the self, some call it the soul, some call it the unconscious, and some call it God. Call it whatever makes sense to you. My point here is that if we want the second half of our lives to be deep and meaningful, we have to make the hard effort of listening at this level of our being.
So if you’re 46 and just woke up at 4 a.m. drenched in night sweats, consider that there might be something valuable working inside you. Please seek help for your physical symptoms. But also try the possibility that these changes are helping you wake up more fully. The 13th-century Sufi mystical poet Rumi advised, “Never sleep again.”
please never sleep again
The dawn breeze has a secret to tell you.
Don’t sleep twice.You have to ask for what you really want.
Don’t sleep twice.people are coming and going
the other side of the entrance threshold
A place where two worlds meet.The door is round and open.
Don’t sleep twice.–Rumi
Go to the forest at dawn or dusk. This is the threshold time that reflects the in-between time you are in right now. Listen carefully to your dreams and get a glimpse of your deeper longings. Listen to what seems to be coming through you so that your life gradually serves something beyond your ego. If you need more space and time to listen to this story, go to the hut alone. Please bring a notebook and pen. Be open-minded, open your heart, ears, eyes, and nose. Bring a sense of humor, too, because the challenges of midlife are both serious and absurd.
And share your experiences with other middle-aged women and seek help from clinicians and other advisors who you feel have your biggest and most outlandish interests in mind. Your process is unique to you, but it truly takes a village to get an initiate across the threshold.
Source: Casara Butler/Pexels