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As the new year approaches, many couples reflect on their relationships and often commit to strengthening their bond over the coming months. But how do you know if your marriage needs a little extra support? If any of these phrases sound familiar, you may want to consider couples counseling.
“We’re not that bad.”
It’s easy to compare yourself to others and downplay problems in your marriage. Maybe you’ve heard about a friend having a blowout at a dinner party or being unfaithful in another relationship. But minimizing your own conflicts doesn’t make them go away. Every marriage has its own unique relationship, and the most important thing is how you and your partner feel. If you’re not really happy or feeling connected, it’s worth addressing, no matter how “bad” others think it is.
“We’re just in a tough spot.”
All relationships have ups and downs, but when do “rough spots” become more serious problems? Couples often use this phrase as a way to avoid facing recurring problems. I cling to it. If a “challenge” has no end in sight, or if it repeatedly resurfaces, it indicates that unresolved issues need attention. A therapist can help you identify patterns and break the cycle.
“We’re going to get through this.”
Optimism is great, but blind hope without taking actionable steps can leave a couple stuck. Repeating this mantra without addressing the root cause of suffering is like trying to fix a leaking pipe by putting a bucket under it. Counseling provides tools to fix leaks and build stronger, more resilient relationships.
“It’s just a phase.”
This phrase is a cousin of “rough patch.” Maybe you’re blaming stress at work, a new baby, or a global pandemic for the strain in your marriage. External factors certainly have an impact, but if the underlying dynamics are not addressed, these stages tend to stretch out indefinitely. Therapy can help you navigate life’s transitions together while maintaining connection and understanding.
“When the kids get older, I’ll have more time.”
This is classic. Many couples put their marriage on the back burner, believing that once the kids are out of diapers, off to school, or off to college, their bond will grow again. But the truth is, every stage of life comes with new challenges, and waiting can often lead to further distance. Couples counseling can help you prioritize your relationship now and ensure it remains strong and fulfilling as you move forward together.
“If only my spouse would change.”
This phrase is a red flag because it puts the responsibility for the success of the relationship on only one person. It’s natural to feel irritated by your partner’s behavior at times, but healthy relationships are built on mutual effort and understanding. Counseling helps both partners take responsibility and fosters a collaborative approach to growth.
I think that’s exactly right.
Giving up is one of the most dangerous ideas in marriage. When you stop believing that things will get better, you have essentially stopped investing in your relationship. This mindset can lead to emotional disconnection and ultimately to the breakdown of the bond. Therapy can help reignite hope and show that change is possible, even if it feels out of reach.
Why couples counseling?
Seeking couples counseling doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t working. That means you care enough to work on it. Here’s why this is a worthwhile investment:
A neutral perspective: A skilled therapist provides a safe, nonjudgmental space where both partners feel heard. They will look at problems from new angles and suggest strategies tailored to your relationship. Improved Communication: Many couples struggle with expressing their feelings and truly hearing each other. Counseling gives you the tools to communicate more effectively, reduce misunderstandings, and build deeper connections. Conflict resolution skills: Learn healthy ways to handle disagreements without turning them into resentment or distance. Reunion: Counseling can help you rediscover the love and respect that brought you together and rekindle intimacy and trust. Build relationships for the future: Addressing current challenges will set you up for stronger, healthier partnerships in the years to come.
Necessities for relationships
let’s make this year our year
The start of a new year is the perfect time to prioritize your relationship. Instead of brushing off nagging questions with overused phrases, take action. Couples counseling is not about assigning responsibility or rehashing old arguments, but about building a future that both of you are excited about.
Imagine a marriage where you truly feel seen, heard, and valued. It’s a place where we tackle challenges as a team and our love grows stronger as the years go by. That is the possibility that counseling offers.
So if you find yourself thinking, “We’re not that bad,” or “We’ll have more time later,” think again. This year, why not give your relationship the gift of growth? Your future self will thank you.
Let’s make this a year of love, connection, and endless possibilities together.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.